In order to identify whether you have anger issues and explain ways of treating them, we must first look at what anger is.

Anger versus Anger Issues

Anger is a normal human emotion. It often tells us when something is wrong and helps provide survival instincts. However, vulnerability can feel uncomfortable for so many, and anger often protects one from revealing those more vulnerable feelings. For this reason, anger is often known as a secondary emotion.

When you have a healthy relationship with anger, you can express your feelings assertively (without aggression). Additionally, you can have control over the emotion and refrain from reacting. You’re able to feel the emotion, process through it, identify your core needs or values that aren’t being met, and refrain from reacting. Sometimes in that process, you’re able to redirect the anger into constructive behavior and then express it in a healthy manner. In contrast, when you have an unhealthy relationship with anger as well as a challenge in identifying the underlying emotions, it results in anger issues.

Signs of Anger Issues

There are many ways that anger issues manifest, and the level of intensity can also vary. When anger is out of control, it can destroy relationships and cause harm. It can be the harm in your personal relationships, harm at work, and harm in so many areas of your life. You may be experiencing anger issues if you:

• Express your anger with aggression.
• Feel anger often, and it is uncontrollable.
• Are judgmental and degrading toward the other person.
• Point out the flaws of the other person and put them down.
• Escalate to shouting, cursing, and throwing or breaking things.
• Give the silent treatment and leaving the other person hanging.
• Agree to something and not follow through.
• Make sarcastic or snide remarks.
• Regret things you’ve said or done.
• Often have troubled relationships.
• Hurt others frequently.
• Are verbally or physically abusive.

How to Deal with Anger Issues

Take Time to Process.

When you take the time to process your emotion, it allows time to cool down before you approach the situation. Unfortunately, anger strikes in the heat of the moment.

While there will be times when the amount of time you have is minimal, taking time to take a few breaths until you feel calm before responding will be helpful in getting you into a mindset of controlling your emotions.

Be Assertive, Not Aggressive.

Learning healthy expressions of anger is important. The trick is not to completely ignore your anger but to express it in a healthy manner. After you have taken some cool-down time, consider your words and communicate why you’re feeling angry in a calm fashion. Being assertive when expressing your anger means being respectful of yourself and others. You can express your emotions without hurting others, pointing fingers, or placing blame. It keeps you levelheaded and non-confrontational.

Focus on Making “I” Statements

Anger has a way of leading people to place blame. That blame only escalates the anger more. Sticking to “I” statements keeps the focus on you expressing your experience and leaving blame out of the response.

Practice Forgiveness

A grudge only hurts in the long run. Anger and holding a grudge don’t solve anything. Practicing the art of forgiveness will help you come to a mutual understanding and a solution that moves you closer to connection.

Get Active

Exercise and physical activity release endorphins that help to release angry energy, emotions, and thoughts. Find a physical activity that you enjoy: running, lifting weights, kickboxing, dancing, going for a walk, swimming, playing sports, or some other physical outlet.

Increase Your Awareness About Anger Emotions

Increase your awareness about your anger and ensure you’re not suppressing your anger. Suppression of anger could end up making everything worse. When you suppress your anger, it ends up buried deep inside and will come out in undesirable ways. You could start to feel overly stressed, you could get headaches, or you may even start to have problems with high blood pressure. Your mental health may begin to suffer as well. Suppressing anger has been known to lead to life-long problems with depression.

Getting Support with Anger Issues.

You should remember that if you’ve been feeling especially out of control, seek the help of mental health professional. Through the support of a mental health professional, you will be able to uncover what is causing your anger issues and receive treatment.

How to help someone with anger issues:

• Find anger management classes online facilitated by a licensed therapist
• Get in long term anger management therapy
• Develop anger management skills through counseling
• Do anger management homework such as anger management worksheets or anger management exercises
• Ask your doctor, nurse practitioner, or psychiatrist about anger management medication

You don’t have to deal with your anger alone. We are here to help. If you’re in Illinois and looking to explore anger management therapy, we have over 30 therapists in Champaign, IL, as well as Urbana, Tuscola, Charleston, Mattoon, and we offer Teletherapy in Illinois. Additionally, we have Nurse Practitioners who are here to help with medication management. Our client care team is available to help get you set up and answer any questions.

About the Contributor

Mandy Paysse, Sr. Marketing Associate

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